Florida Man Refuses to Drive with Headlights

SATIRE

Florida State Trooper Michael Leukawski stopped a local area man for driving without headlights. Officer Leukawski followed standard protocol, informing the driver that he was driving recklessly without headlights before requesting license and registration. However, the situation took an odd turn when the driver handed the officer a small plastic card in addition to his license and registration.

“Sir, I only need your license and registration. You can keep this card.”

“Officer, that’s a medical card explaining that I don’t need to drive with headlights.”

“Sir, the law states that all motor vehicles operated at night or in times of limited visibility must be operated with standard front headlights.”

“Absolutely, officer, but I have a condition.”

“A condition.”

“Yes, I have sensitive eyes. The reflection of my lights on the road in front of me bothers me and violates my American freedom, and that card states that I can drive without using them.”

“Sir, this is a piece of laminated office paper, and it appears that you signed it yourself. Now, I’m going to have to write you a — ”

“Excuse me, officer, you don’t seem to understand it’s my God-given right to drive without headlights! You of all people should know this is the land of freedom.”

“What you don’t seem to understand is that you’re endangering yourself and others on the road by driving without headlights. You’re going to kill someone. If you don’t like it, don’t drive.”

“Oh please. Endangering my ass. Maybe you libs are endangered…”

“Countless traffic accidents are caused by negligent driving, including driving without — ”

“No, you socialist sheep! Don’t you know traffic accidents are a hoax by the deep state?”

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to step out of the vehicle.”

“You can’t force people to bother their eyes! It’s against the damn Constitution.”

“Please step out of the vehicle, sir.”

Reports say the driver continued to argue all the way to the station, asserting that headlights weren’t proven to be effective, that the standards on headlights aren’t clear, and finally, that it’s China’s fault the roads are dangerous.